Let's Try This Again

OK--I've downloaded the pics, and I've tried to remember all the stories. Be sure to start with Day 1 at the bottom and work your way back to the top. And check back from time to time, because I might add something (in a different color) to each day after its initial post as I remember different things! All the pictures can be clicked to get the larger image, too. Hope you enjoy!

Day 6 - Cozumel

This winter, as we all gathered at my parent's to decide what excursions (onshore activities) we'd be signing up for, we all decided that today would be the day that we do something as a group with my parents. After all, they were paying for everything, and neither of them were planning on the snorkeling/caving/speedboating activities. So we decided to take in a Mexican folklore show, and then just kick back and check out the shopping and eating and everything else we might find.

Of course, that all changed when we wake up on this morning and find that Mom caught the bug, and would have to stay behind. So Dad stayed too. But she wanted to be damned sure that we got off the boat and had fun, so we did. Besides, Felix had told us about the great bar where girls are topless by mid-afternoon. How could we pass that up?

The most striking thing about Cozumel right now is the hurricane damage, and seeing what's been repaired and what hasn't. Cozumel is actually on a small island just off the coast of Mexico, and bore the brunt of last season's storms. At first, much of the island looked like old photos of post-war Europe, with only the skeletal remains of buildings standing. We found, as we got closer, that there was a great deal of construction going on trying to refurbish these large buildings (you'll need to click them to full-size).



I don't know if these buildings were apartments, offices or hotels. But they were a beehive of activity.
This is another ship that was actually docked at the pier (only one ship could dock). Note the chunk of pier that is missing in the middle. We asked one of our taxi drivers if that was from boats/debris running into it. Apparently not. All the concrete damage we saw was caused directly from the winds or the waters!

To get to the Mexican folklore show, we had to take a taxi about 3 miles along the coastline. This is where we saw how things were rebuilding. Almost anything that had to do with the tourist industry was either repaired, or being renovated. But if you owned Pepe's Auto Repair, then your old building just sat in ruins, because you don't have the money to rebuild. Of course, the modern air-conditioned jewelry stores stood out! We had some time to kill, so the girls shopped, and the guys found someplace to have a beer (notice the recurring theme???). The place looked like a decent nightclub, but it was mid-morning, so it was nice and relaxing. The show took place on the same floor, so we drank right up to the point that they were closing their doors.

We decided to walk to Carlos'n Charlie's, the place that Felix told us to check out. On the way we found that the touristy things were all rebuilt fairly well. Cozumel is home to the smallest Hard Rock Cafe in the world. And there were other signs of American "Civilization" to be found.




We avoid the tourist trap things, and find ourselves in front of Carlos'n Charlie's. At 2:30 in the afternoon, the place is packed. We find a table in the very back of the place, which will give us a good view of the activities. The first thing you notice as you walk in is that you're walking on a dirt floor. The whole place is dirt floor! And the thump-thump-thump of techno/hip-hop music. And the dance floor full of people in their shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops. Sort of an open-air space, with no real front walls. This could be good. Waiting for us at the table were two buckets of popcorn. We order a round of beers, which lasted for all of about 5 minutes. The barmaids appeared to be American college-aged students. Carrying bottles of something orange (we determined later that they were bottles of Sex On The Beach). These girls went from table to table offering shots. Complete with a routine! As the girl is pouring a shot for you, she's blowing an obnoxious whistle, indicating that she's about to molest a new patron. She pours the shot down your throat (then stuffs the shot glass down between your boobs, if your a girl--guys apparently don't get the shot glass). Then to make sure the booze goes down OK, she rubs your head, squeezes your cheeks (face), rubs your shoulders, tweaks your nipples (unless you're a girl, in which case she squeezes and bobbles your boobs), rubs your back, then rubs/squeezes your ass, and then asks for a high-five. We watched her do this to dozens of customers. All I could think of was, where do I sign up for THIS gig?? All of a sudden I hear the whistle in my ear behind me. I turn around, and find a shot glass being poured down my mouth. God bless my BILs! Liked it so much, I got it again later on! (**NOTE--Shumpy was there a week later and put some pics up too. Go check out his post from 5/9/06 to see them. He's got a couple that show exactly what I just wrote about. And the barmaid you see is one of the same ones that molested me!!!)




We could have stayed there people-watching all day/night, but we had to stagger back to the ship. On the taxi ride back to the pier, we were able to get some more pics of the devestation between the renovation. I would imagine that in 3-4 years, you'd never know there was any destruction in the area. Just in time for the next hurricane.




Once back to the ship, the effects of the afternoon's drinking caught up with us. With Mom being quarantined, and some of us in dire need of a quick nap, only half of us went to dinner, opting to hit the buffet later in the night. Still, we managed to meet again up at Dizzy's and recap the day. We had passed the halfway point of the trip. The next day would bring us to Grand Cayman Island and snorkeling with the stingrays. Maybe...

Day 5 - Costa Maya

Costa Maya was the only port we had where we actually docked. Costa Maya doesn't appear on maps or the Weather Channel, because it's nothing more than a seaport specifically for the cruise industry. Lots of the crappy shops, a nice outdoor bar (including the pool bar), and the ubiquitious jewelry stores. Again, we had time to kill, so we looked around at the shops. The Mexicans were far more aggressive than the Belizians(?). Not physically, mind you, but they talked to virtually every person that passed by, whether you acknowledged them or not. Again--alot of crap being sold.

Here's the pier at Costa Maya. Lots of little shops in the orange building,
with more stuff under the thatch roofed shelters.

Being at sea allows you to leave your drapes wide open all day/night. No one is going to see you. Unless you're docked at the pier and another cruise ship docks right next to you. Imagine my surprise (and theirs) as I came out of the shower that morning! Sorry the picture seems hazy, but the air was so frikken humid that the lens kept fogging up! Be sure to click on this picture to get the large version. Look for 2 men on the pier (under the ropes). It'll give you an idea of the size of the ships!
From here, we were to get bussed to a lagoon (a very large lagoon) about an hour away. Where, after a "safety check and operating instructions," we would be driving our own 2-man speedboats around the lagoon for an hour. The place is known as the Lagoon of 7 Colors. For good reason. There are literally 7 different colors of water! All quite distinct, too! While there, I figured I'd better fulfill the request from Mia: "Could you do me a favor though and sneak some pics of some hot guys/girls for me? I'm living vicariously through you right now, so help out!" Well, it wasn't going to happen on the ship, so I took a picture of these two locals who had just gotten out of the water. May not look like it to you, but they were hot. Trust me on that one. Sorry it came out so dark...


The "safety check and operating instructions" lasted all of 15 seconds--"Are you wearing a life jacket?" and "Forward on the stick makes you go forward (two speeds), straight up is neutral, and pull back to go in reverse." That was it. Then we realized that we were not going to be speeding around the lake on our own. He would lead us to one end and back. About a 60 minute journey. To his credit, we did do some tight circles and created some wonderful waves to cross through. The motors were not really speedboat motors, either, but it was fun. The most amazing thing about it was the warm, colorful water. The water as you see it is the color as it was. No words for the beauty of it. There were a handful of resort-type places along the shores, and some VERY nice homes. I'll let the pictures tell the rest (be sure to click on the pics to see the large versions!)...





After a pretty decent lunch, we head back to Costa Maya. The highway was a fairly decent two-lane road, well-maintained. A blessing over what we were greeted with the day before. Our bus guide was also much better than our boy in Belize. He had live in the States for a few years, and was much more at ease with us. He even bought fresh pineapple from a roadside stand for us (the finest pineapple I've ever eaten!).

We get back to the ship and find that Dad is feeling somewhat better, and he joins us for dinner. Our next stop will be Cozumel, and Felix, our waiter, recommended stopping off at Carlos'n Charlie's, the local party bar. He told us that generally, by 3:00 PM or so, the girls start losing their tops, and the party continues on. He told us that the free tequila flows most of the day. Well, that was enough for us! We scatter, and meet again at Dizzy's for a little more jazz, and a final nightcap. Little did we know that the shit was once again going to hit the fan in the morning...

Day 4 - Belize

So I left off Day 3 with "...shit hit the fan." Well, that was fairly literal. I knocked on my parent's door on Tuesday morning to head down to breakfast in our little family gathering way. Dad opens the door. He looked like death warmed over. There is the patriarch of the family, barely a shadow of himself. He tells me that he spent the entire evening puking and pooping. Sometimes both at the same time. We find out later that he had contracted the Norwalk virus, basically, a food-borne flu-like bug (be sure to scroll down on that page to see the specific header "Cruise Ships"). To tell the full story here--Dad stays in his cabin all day Tuesday, so Mom stays behind to be with him rather than coming on shore. Wednesday, he actually goes to the medical bay, where they immediately quarantine him. He tried to sneak off the ship, but they scanned his ID, and he got buzzed. He does feel well enough to join us for dinner Wednesday night, though he didn't eat much. As Thursday rolls around, our excursion was going to be the one time that the kids and parents were going to do something together. You guessed it--Mom caught the bug Wednesday night. Short story (is it too late for that??)--Mom and Dad never set foot off of the ship for the entire trip. And the outbreak probably affected 35% of the passengers. Fortunately, none of the rest of us caught it. But the changes on the ship were very noticeable. Crew members disinfecting all surfaces at least once an hour. The buffet lines where servers scooped responsible servings of food for you onto your plate, rather than shoveling it on ourselves. We were not allowed to grab an apple from the fruit bowl--it was handed to you by a server in gloves. Even the salt and pepper packets (forget using shakers!) were handed out by a server USING SALAD TONGS!!!

The rest of us could have stayed behind on the ship, but that would have been foolish. If we stayed, we could have gotten sick too. So we went ahead with our onshore excursions. First stop--Belize City, Belize. Formerly the British Honduras. We anchor about 3 miles from shore, as there's no pier available. Local tender boats show up to take us in. This is where the lines began. We stood in line on the ship for close to an hour, waiting to get on a boat. This process was probably the least organized thing of the week. Tempers flared, insults were hurled under breaths, and people took cuts. More on "lines" in a day or two. We finally board the tender boat and head to shore.



Mom looking down from her balcony as I'm leaning backwards out of the tender boat; The port at Belize City; A look back at the ship (using my super zoom lens--it was much farther out than it appears).
We had about an hour to kill before we met up with our cave exploring tour, so we looked around the immediate area. The first thing that struck us was that every different vendor was selling the same crap. And that the crap we saw here was pretty close to the crap at every other port. And jewelry! OMG, the jewelry! I don't know exactly why, but there were literally dozens of upscale, air-conditioned jewelry stores at every port. We avoided these places to the best of our abilities. While the girls checked out more shopping options, the guys find a place to have a cold Belikin beer (The Wet Lizard--cute little place!).


Time for the bus ride to the caves. We're talking about a 90-minute bus ride inland. At least it was air-conditioned. But we had a terribly boring guide who talked in a monotone for the entire drive. We drove through Belize City for a mini-tour, and realized that the modern comforts faded quickly as you got away from the coast. We drove on what might be considered their interstate highway. A two-lane, NON-LINED, poorly-maintained road with no real speed limit. And no such thing as a highway patrol. We were, without question, in a third-world country. The shacks that these people lived in defied description. And even 40 miles inland, most of them were up on stilts. Apparently, when the ocean rises, it comes quite far inland! We turn off of the "interstate" onto a dirt road for the last 9 miles. We wouldn't question why there was blood in our urine over the next couple of days. The washboard of this road was a true kidney buster! We stop off for lunch at a little turn-off, then travel the last 3 miles to the point where we transfer over to the "jungle buggies"-old American half-track trucks that have been modified specifically for viewing the jungle all around us. Nothing else would have made it up there. We climb up to the caves to see how the ancient Mayans lived. They must have been a short, skinny race of people. We all got helmets/lamps, which were quite necessary. While we were in the caves, our buggy driver cut up some sugar cane that was growing nearby. Most of the other passengers had never experience chewing on sugar cane, so were hesitant to do so. Not us! Mighty tasty!



Our lunch stop--amazing how cool those thatched roof shelters were!; The jungle meets the cliff face; A jungle buggie; My dorky sister wondering why it was so dark in the cave.
We took the same kidney-buster road back to town, though it didn't seem as long this time. We got there with a little time to kill, so I found a liquor store (complete with rum samples out in front!). I was under orders from both just.a.girl and Moose to pick up some rum for them while in Belize. After sampling some, I can understand why! I got each of them a liter of rum ($9.00 each), and a bottle of rum cream for me (think Bailey's, but rummier--yummmmmm......). We catch the tender back to the ship, stop by to check on Dad (at the time, with his heart history, we weren't sure how he'd be...). We head to dinner without him (Italian night), and then spread out around the ship for the rest of the night. As I was watching the sun go down, we passed this little island about 25 miles out in the middle of nowhere. Note the shelter on the left end of the island. I could see renting the place for the day! And yes, that is the entire island!


And thus ended Day 4. Tomorrow we go speedboating on some of the most spectacular water you've ever imagined!

Day 3 - At Sea

Monday was a full day at sea. This is the day that gives everyone the chance to go exploring around the ship to see all that is offered. Disappointing thing we found out was that the 24-hr. buffet was just a rumor. You could get free room service around the clock, and there was an all-night "cafe" on the promenade where you could get some great slices of pizza and some funky sandwiches (I've never had a salmon steak sandwich before!). But there was no buffet that served the masses all night. A little bummed about that.

In spite of numerous drinks the night before, I was bound and determined to be awake for the first sunrise of the cruise, knowing that it should be off my side of the ship. It didn't disappoint!



There were two times in the day when all eight of us would gather. Breakfast and dinner. And as you'll learn later, the breakfast meal (buffet-style) was often bypassed. Mom, on the suggestion of veteran cruisers, reserved a table in the main dining room for every night of the cruise. We weren't excited about that at first, but it turned out to be a high point of each day. This is the dining room. A full first deck, and then the next two decks above it, with an open center looking down on the main floor.


We were sort of tucked in a corner, away from alot of people, on the top deck. We were a little rambuctious, so that was probably a good thing. The fun thing about the whole experience was that we had the same table each night, complete with our own waiter (Felix, from India), assistant waiter, and bar server (Anthony, AKA Dr. Feelgood). By the second night, they all knew us by name, by drink, by how we liked our steaks, by our entree choice (seafood, beef, pasta). Incredible service. In fact, if you frequented specific places (bars, casino, dining room), you were greeted by your first name! More stories about the dining room staff for another day...

During the exploration of the ship, there were places I knew I wouldn't be getting to: the video arcade room (too many kids), the rock climbing wall, the mini-golf course (please...), the in-line skating track, the spa/training room, the chapel (though the view must have been fantastic), the wine/champagne bar, most of the shops on the Promenade, the ice rink, the 50s-style diner (which required a cover charge!!!), or the movie theater.

The places that WOULD be explored would be the golf simulator (very odd sensation to be in mid-backswing, and have the ship rock a little), the internet cafe (though I was ultimately disappointed in its non-Mac atmosphere), the jazz club (Dizzy's--after Dizzy Gillespie), the sports bar, the casino, a couple of other bars, and of course, poolside.


Note the haziness in the picture. That would be the humidity on the camera lens! Poolside was very popular on the two days that we weren't at a port. The water was a constant 77 degrees. The beautiful people were out in force, to be sure, but alot of normal people too. An equal mix of pasty white Midwesterners and bronzed Floridians (if you live in Florida, why take a cruise?). Old fat guys in Speedos. Old wrinkly ladies in bikinis. Many, many young people in the 20-35 y.o. age group. Pregnant ladies. Dorky guys. Lots of overweight men and women (myself, included). This was as close to HNT as you could get. People out enjoying the sun, knowing that no one would see them after the cruise. A very relaxed atmosphere. And lots of half-nekkidity!

When you board the ship, you're given an ID card that doubles as the ship's credit card. Cash is not accepted anywhere on the ship, other than the casino. You sign for everything. That would get dangerous. If we cared where our money was being spent. But since Mom & Dad were picking up the tab, they were fully prepared to fork out whatever we bought. Probably 75% of that tab was booze. Lots of it. At the pool, in the bars, at dinner, at Dizzy's--it was relentless. Did we feel bad about it? We did for about the first round of drinks. After that, it was remarkably easy! And there's always someone around to get you another drink! As I said--service on the ship is exceptional!

So Monday was a day of exploration and sunning and drinking. Someone asked if we saw any refugees out on the seas. YES WE DID!! Well, I didn't--we were golfing. But my sisters saw it, as did a large number of passengers. There we were, probably 100 miles off the coast of Cuba, and there's a small boat full of people, dead in the water, trying to flag down the ship! It didn't even slow down, but apparently the captain sounded the horn, and I'm sure called it in to someone...

Monday night's dinner was a formal affair--tuxes or suits for men, long dresses for women. In the midst of heat and humidity, they want us dressed in suits! Very uncomfortable, to say the least! Can't remember the theme (each night had a theme), but Felix made his suggestions for the entrees, and Dr. Feelgood kept our glasses full. I'll say it now, rather than repeat every day--the food was superb, every night, every entree, every dessert! After dinner, we walked down the Promenade, where the ship's band was playing (jazz standards). They were pretty much being ignored until Mom & Dad stepped out to dance to something--next thing you know, the floor is packed.


After a trip up to Dizzy's for a nightcap (and the exceptional service of Claudia, from Romania), we all went to bed, ready for our first excursions in Belize. Little did we know that the shit was about to hit the fan...

Day 2 - Departure

An important thing happened on Sunday morning. We were exposed to "The Line".

Check-out time was noon, which happened to coincide with the time we were to meet in the lobby to catch a bus to take us to the pier. After the copious amounts of beer from the night before, and the fact that we were all still on Montana time, noon was a good thing. When I stepped out of the elevator, I was met by at least a couple hundred others, all waiting to be taken to buses. Apparently there were three different cruises departing this afternoon, and this was one of many different hotels that took care of the future seafarers. To there credit, the hotel staff and cruise staff did a good job of herding us around, but there was an awful lot of waiting in line.

We arrive at the ship terminal. Very similar to an airline terminal, complete with all the security measures (but a bit more lax). And where do we find ourselves? In line. This will be a common theme throughout the trip. Here is Dad checking us all in, since it's his name on the final bill!


Once we got past this point, we get on this immensely large ship, and find our cabins. Smaller than most motel rooms, but very nice. The concept is that you won't spend much time in there anyway, since you'll be enjoying all that the cruise has to offer. The bathroom, on the other hand, was tiny. More on that later. We still had about 3 hours before departing, so we used the time to unpack, drink and explore. We all had our own balconies, so I got a shot of where our deck was in comparison to the rest of the ship.


See what looks like smoke on the water (cue the band...)? This was the beginning of our entertainment. A speedboat (probably filled with drugs) stalled in the bay just behind the ship, and ended up bursting into flames. Just like at a car accident, people came out of nowhere to get too close and check things out. A couple of tugboats showed up to douse the flames. It was fun to watch...



As the time to leave port neared, we worked our way to poolside on the 11th/12th decks. There were already people out sunning/swimming, and we hadn't even left yet! Lots of drinks being served to all. As we head out to sea, we pass some incredible mansions on the water, and the views of Miami Beach.



From this point, the rest of the day is a bit of a blur. It involved a huge buffet line, multiple trips through that line, and then alot more drinking, gambling, and finally ending the night in the jazz club up on the 14th deck. We spent 5 out of 7 nights up there. Very nice. So here's the crew, heading out to sea, for 7 days of fun and adventure! Tomorrow--our day at sea.